Biblical Excellence and Stressful living

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What Am I Afraid Of

Coffee in hand, reclining in my chair, I engaged in my first-morning devotion. I sat with the sunlight beaming in through the window. Something that made me very glad. Illinois does not have an abundance of light and warmth in January.

As I paused to ponder what God would want me to consider today, I felt the voice in me echo, “What am I afraid of?” Surrounded in this moment by light and life, I could hear birds singing. Another strange thing this time of year. I felt the security of my home. I felt the love of my family still vibrating through the holiday season. I felt the “holding power” of my chair that serves as the world’s best altar, a place where God and I often meet over coffee.

In contrast to a world out of order, a world on the verge, I felt none of that. When I take the message of the world to be my guide, I feel fear all the time. When I open my life and live in the moment, I mostly find a place of beauty, hope, love and wonder. Had I a spirit of more adventure I would have stepped outside to see if the sky was falling. No, not today. The sky was doing just the opposite. It was elevating me to see that this world, creation and most of mankind is not something to be feared. So “what am I afraid of?”

Over the last eighteen months I have discovered how often I use fear as my primary motivator. It is the thing I use to energize my life. I use fear to work hard and do what I ought. I used fear as a tool for building community and helping people. I have used fear as a motivator to study and find the most truth I can from a passage of scripture. I don’t want to let God and anyone down. I use fear as a resource of being responsible and feeling responsible as my most known emotion. Fear is my most un-known. It rules from a hidden place.

Over the last thirty years the most common and repeated verse given to me by prophetic people, teachers, leaders or encouragers is from Joshua 1. It is a verse that seeks to balance what I am with what God desires me to be. And this is what the Holy Spirit is doing every day in our lives, balancing what we are with what God wants us to be. It is the activity of God who has promised not to leave us unparented, we are not orphaned.

"Every place on which the sole of your foot treads, I have given it to you, just as I spoke to Moses. "From the wilderness and this Lebanon, even as far as the great river, the river Euphrates, all the land of the Hittites, and as far as the Great Sea toward the setting of the sun will be your territory. "No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you. "Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. "Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go.

Joshua 1:3-7 NASB

God calls me to courage as I live with the tendency to fear. Simple enough. In fact, that one thing is often what God is doing in my life. I don’t tell the truth when people ask, “Rod, what’s God doing in your life?” I seldom say, leading, empowering and convicting me about a life of fear.

What I am writing now is a part of that journey for me. I have spent a lot of time in 2018 journaling, studying and practicing spiritual exercises that deal with fear. But then I felt I should look more to the Bible in a systematic way. So, I started an in-depth study into Luke 9 and following. That is the place where Jesus heads toward Jerusalem to be crucified. The lessons Jesus gives to His disciples are becoming my discipleship exercises now. And then I felt like I should add John 13-17. Those are the last days for Jesus. That material in that section of John is unique to John.

 I want to write each week about a section of John and look at how living and praying with Jesus in John can help me and I hope others. I know I should say I want to glorify God, but honestly, I want to improve. Maybe if I can learn and be a little better, I won’t be so afraid, maybe I will be more secure.

 I want you to come along with me. I hope that my time spent studying and reflecting can be a blessing to you. Maybe I can do some of the work that allows you to go faster or further. I hope this adventure is like building a pathway where it is easier for you because someone has blazed the trail, found some of the dead ends or places that are impassable.

But your question may not be, “what am I afraid of?” The question deep in your soul, the thing driving your motivation, empowering your doing may be different than mine. Here is a list of possibilities. And the good news is that no matter what your question is, Jesus will lead us, through the empowering presence of the Holy Spirit, to Himself. He is the resting place of us all. He is our rock, our shelter, our deliverer. Regardless of what is wrong and what is right, we are all being led by the Spirit to be conformed into the image of Jesus Christ.

Why am I so angry?

Why do I think I’m always right?

Why do I always want more?

Why do I pretend so much?

Why am I never satisfied?

Why do I feel entitled?

Why do I always want to be comfortable?

Join me as we learn from Jesus. Let’s take a risk and go beyond learning about Jesus. Let’s open our inner being to His workmanship. Let’s be discipled by the Master as we follow, as best we can, through our life and His revelation. And what do you think is the first message from John about Jesus? When things are getting real, real tough, what is one thing Jesus wants us all to know?

He loved them to the end

The gospel of John chapters 13-17 contains information only in John. The other gospels do not have this material. Without this written, eye-witness account, we would not know about this personal time of discipleship.

Looking into these passages will give us insight into what living with Jesus was like. We will see what teachings and practices He passed onto His disciples in the hours before His departure out of this world. We can learn lessons on life and prayer not found else wear. And we can gain wisdom we need to live in our times. Empowered by what Jesus taught His first followers about His absence, we can be discipled as we too live in this world while we wait for Jesus.

Now before the Feast of the Passover, Jesus knowing that His hour had come that He would depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

John 13:1 NASB

I’m amazed with Jesus. When the time comes to need the love and care of others, when the season of His life is such that He should be given support and encouragement, His gives out love. Jesus knew that the cross was at hand. And not just the cross but the pain, rejection, betrayal and surrender of His will. God’s ability to love is beyond comprehension.

We are invited to know in part what we cannot fully know while on this earth. Knowing, experiencing the love of God is a wonderful lesson. Even though we only know a little of it now, that little is more than enough to fill our being. Paul invites us to have the same attitude that Jesus had concerning the actions of love. It is an amazing passage of scripture for us to ponder often. It is a passage that we can implement in our lives-- to love to the end.

Paul writes in Philippians 2.

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Philippians 2:5-8 NASB

Love is a confusing thing in our time. Maybe it always has been. The tension is often to polarize love toward an action or toward an emotion. For me it is clearly both. For men, love is often a service, a deed, a kind act or a sacrifice. For women, love is often felt in a word spoken or not spoken, a tender embrace or romantic affirmation. When we think about it most of us love with both words and deeds although some have a preference.

Love, like so many of the concepts in the Bible, is not to be separated or polarized. Harmony in word and deed is the goal. The significance of love, and hope, joy and peace, is in the ability of each to touch the whole of our being. So even if you have a propensity to express love in some way, read and listen to the word of God and let it stretch you. Many times, growth in the kingdom of God involves adding what we do not have or balancing what we already have with something neglected.

The prayer from Deuteronomy 6:4 has come to be known as the Shema Yisrael. I think the combination of John 13:1; Philippines 2:5-8 and Deuteronomy 6:4-12 make a great prayer time.

"Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. "

These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. "You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. "You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. "You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. "Then it shall come about when the LORD your God brings you into the land which He swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you, great and splendid cities which you did not build, and houses full of all good things which you did not fill, and hewn cisterns which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant, and you eat and are satisfied, then watch yourself, that you do not forget the LORD who brought you from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

Deuteronomy 6:4-12 NASB

Exercises

1. Read John 13:1 and pray through your issues of loving in the face of pain and suffering?

Do you feel the need to withdraw from loving when it hurts? Why?

What tends to have the most impact on you? Pain, fear, isolation?

Spend time listening to the Holy Spirit within you. What guidance does the Spirit offer you? What word or deed is God asking you to manifest in your heart and then into the world?

2. Read Philippians 2:5-8.

After reading this passage several times go through the words slowly and circle those the Holy Spirit is highlighting for you. Take the words one at a time and whisper them to the Lord and pause as you listen. Whenever you find your own spirit or mind seeking to lead you, gently return you focus onto the Lord by repeating the word and pausing. The goal is enjoying yourself in the presence of God and listening to anything He might say. If He says nothing, that is OK. The goal is being together not new information.

3. Read Deuteronomy 6:4-12.

God commands you to love Him. How can you make yourself love someone? The answer is found in the remaining text. Words and deeds go together. What you act upon become a part of you and what is a part of you, you first do, then value and then respect. Respect grows into love as it recalls the blessings of the actions. The child loves the mother who cared for the child. The son comes to love the father who gave a home, food and clothing. Sure, our own nature and selfishness can break the bond of love. That happens between us humans and God.

Ponder your way through this passage. Consider that the way you live is the way you love.

How is the sacrifice of your living like the sacrifice of Jesus? Where can you find the ability to love those near you to the end?

Gird Yourself

John starts this section by telling us that Jesus loved them till the end. Now John shows us exactly what that looks like. But the power of love still has a mountain to climb before it reaches its summit. The foot washing that is about to happen is not just an act of humility. It is more.

In the face of demonic activity, in the reality of betrayal, in the presence of God and His confirmation of the life of Jesus, Jesus gets up, lays aside His garments and girds himself.

This is a mixture of practical and spiritual. It is a foretaste of Jesus on the cross-redeeming humanity, and it is the interaction of the Son of God making disciples. The images of table, bread, garments, washing and girding are all a part of the ongoing story of life.

And which of us has not faced a moment in life that brought to the head the activity of God, the activity of Satan, the betrayal of a friend and the need to go deeper in humility so that the will of the Father could be accomplished on earth?

During supper, the devil having already put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself.

John 13:2-4 NASB

While this whole section is unique to John, the word for gird is only used by John in the New Testament. That word appears twice here and later when Peter is fishing and sees the Lord, whom He had denied, on the shore calling out “children, have you caught any fish?” 

Peter follows the Lord’s instruction and ends up girding his coat back on, jumping into the water, eating breakfast and being restored. This word gird finds its place among two memorable passages. And we will often find that our memorial moments require some attention. We find it is best to wrap ourselves up and do the difficult stuff of life. For that is the language we use when someone is all in, focused, intentional. We say they are all wrapped up in what they are doing.

Exercise

1. Read John 13:2-4

Do you have anything in your life that is coming to a climax? Are you facing a time of Demonic activity, personal betrayal and the lack of service among your friends? Do you see that someone needs to stand up and bow down to demonstrate the love of God in a situation?

Maybe you have been caught up in the politics of the world or the situations of your friends. Maybe you have lost focus and find yourself at the table holding a grudge or being a little bitter that life is not going the way you wanted. What can you learn by looking at Jesus in this passage?

When was the last time you were kind to someone who was harming you? I’m not asking that you try to be perfect. I know some people will ponder this and go to the place of shaming themselves for not being better. Most of the time that is tricky pride, telling themselves they should be more, better, perfect.

Accepting who you are and where you are at in this story is enough. Only from where you actually are can you take a step toward Jesus. And for most of us in this situation, we will find ourselves unable to walk toward Him, for His is already kneeling before us. Jesus lived in such a way that He never asked His followers to do what He did not do. Jesus is both our example and instruction.

Picture Jesus washing your feet, tenderly and yet purposefully scrubbing between the toes and getting the dirt out. Imagine Him washing you. And in that moment ask Him for help in washing away the sins done to you. Ask Jesus if He can teach you how to stand up so that you can kneel down and gird yourself.

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